The Cullens go to Curch
by cupcakes4breakfast
Summary: Carlisle thinks his kids are acting up. so how does he deal with it. The local Catholic church.
1. Carlisle's great idea

**Authors note: all Twilightness goes to its rightful owner, Stephine Meyer. I do not own the Twillightness...not yet...jk.**

**NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED! **

The Cullens go to Church

"Edward?" Carlisle called from his study upstairs. "I am expecting something in the mail. Can you run out and get it?"

"Sure Carlisle." I said heading out the door. Our mailbox is at the end of our driveway so if humans lived here they would be jogging a mile everyday just to get there mail. I laughed at that thought as I opend the mailbox. Curoius, I looked throught the letters expecting a formal business letter addressed to Carlisle. Aside from the normal junk mail, all I found was an invite to the local Baptist church. Funny Carlisle, I thought.

I ran back to the house to meet Alice at the front door, a sour look on her face. _"He's making us go." _she thought.

"Go where?" I asked confused.

She nodded pointedly at the mail in my hands, the church invitation up front.

My eyes widened, shocked. "Please tell me he's thinking about changing his mind."

Alice shook her head. "Sadly no." she sighed.

"Whose going to chaged his mind?" Emmett asked from the couch.

I walked past Alice to join him and Rosalie. "Carlisle thinks it would be best of us to join the local Baptist church this coming Sunday."

Everything froze. "He wants to do what?" Rosalie shriked.

"It can't be that bad, Rose. Millions of people go to chuch every sunday."

Rosalie looked almost amused. "People Em! People! We are not people."

Rolling my eyes at my sister's childish behavure, I asked, "Alice do you know when Bella will be back from her hunting trip?"

Alice stared into space for a moment. "1 miniute and 7 seconds. And Jasper will walk through the door in 38 seconds."

"Oh, God." Emmett said suddenly. "What if they have rituals with blood involved!"

Alice smacked the back of his head. "It's church, idiot not a witch gathering."

The front door opened and, as Alice said, Jasper walked in. "A witch gathering? Carlisle is taking us to a witch gathering?"

''Yes!" Emmett screamed like his idea was being confermed.

I sighed, exsasperated. "It's not a witch gathering. It's church.''

Jasper laughed as he sat at the bottom step of the stairs. "Close enough."

_Now they are insulting the church. _Carlisle thought from upstairs, appalled

"Now you've done it." I warned Jasper.

Carlslie was done the stars in a flash. "I understand if this family does not have the same religous views as I do. But we will respect the church and the people involved it it i am sick of this family thinking that they can say and do whatever they want without consequenses becoming involved. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." we all mummbled.

"Besides, you kids need Jesus."

I stuffled a laugh as Rosaile said, "Some more than others." under her breath, flipping her blonde hair behind her shoulder.

The door opened yet once again. "Wait, who needs Jesus?" Bella asked holding Renesmee.

I got up to greet them. "Hello love." I said kissing Bella.

"Daddy!" Nessie squeled, reaching for me. I took her instintly and kissed her forhead.

"Apperently, we all need Jesus." Emmett sighed dramaticly. Carlisle shot him a look. "Sorry." Emmett mummbled.

Bella walked to the couch, taking off her jacket and throwing it onto the table. I followed, Nessie still in my arms.

"And scince we all need Jesus" Rosalie spat, "Carlsile is taking us to _church._"

Bella stiffled a laugh. "Church? Really? That will be...interesting."

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	2. Let's not give baby Jesus a heart attack

**I would like to thank everyone for the reviews and what not. It means alot! i hope u guys enjoy!**

**Stephine meyer...blah blah blah...own...blah blah blah....Twilight. You get the idea. no copyright intended! =)**

ch. 2 Lets not give little baby Jesus a heart attack.

"Um...Rose. You know I love that on you but I'm pretty sure little baby Jesus doesn't want to see that." I heard Emmett say. I turned around to see my sister wearing the

same dress she wore to the prom. The black dress with the Vneck all the way down to her waist and no back.

"Yeah Rose." Jasper said loosing his tie. "lets not give Jesus a heart attack, okay?"

Rosalie squinted her eyes at us. " I don't want to go." she hissed. "so I should at least be able to wear what I want to."

I snorted. "Stop whinning. Just go upstais and change." Ignoring the string of profanity words pouring out of Rosalie's mind, I turned arund and ran out the door, headed to

my house.

_Why is she making me wear this?_

"Alice I think it's to short for church." I heard Bella say as I opened the front door. Alice had my wife in a silk purple dress that stop above mid-thigh.

"I agree with Bella, Alice." I said as I went into my closet looking for a black tie.

"Well Edward, what do you know about fashion. Your a guy." my sister said.

I rolled my eyes but ignored her teasing.

"Sorry Alice I'm changing." Bella sighed as she opend the closet door.

"If you think that was bad you should have seen what Rosalie was wearing." I laughed as I tightend my tie.

Bella pulled the dress over her head and I quickly looked away before my manhood got the best of me. "Oh gosh. I dont even want to know."

I rolled up the sleaves to my white collared shirt. "You look nice.'' Bella whisperd. I looked over my shoulder to see her in a long blue dress, the color blue that made her

skin glow. I walked to her and took her into my arms. "So do you."

"Mommy!" we heard Renesmee whine. Bella pulled away from me, a little smile on her face and I sighed.=

I took Bella's hand and we walked out of our bedroom.

"Aunt Alice wants me to wear that dress!" We heard Rensmee say before when even got to her room. She was pointing at a green dress with flowers on it. I looked at

Alice.

"It's cute!" she defended herself.

"How about we dress our own child, Alice. When you and Jasper have a child, you can dress them up." I joked.

"Funny, Edward.'' and she ran out the room.

"Daddy, do I have to wear it?'' Nessie asked

I kneeled down so I was eye level with her. " No sweetheart. How about Mommy picks out a dress for?" I soothed.

Renesmee reached for Bella's hand. "Come on, Nessie." she said, leading our daughter toward her closet.

I walked out of the room smiling, to see Jacob standing by the door way.

"Hey Pops!" he said hitting me on the shoulder. "So, I hear Dr. Vamp is taking you guys to a which gathering?" he laughed.

"I see you talked to Emmett."

"Well Jasper said that is was a sacrifice...." he rolled his eyes. "I've been to church alot so I decided, that out of the goodness of my heart, I will join you in you quest for

salvation!" he through his fists in the air.

"Quest for salvation?'' I asked driely. Jacob shrugged and I went on . "I suppose Nessie will be restless enough without you." I heated to addmitt it but we did need him.

"Fine Jacob. Tag along if you wish."

"Jake!" Nessie screamed, running from her room. His arms were already open when she jumped for him.

"Wow, Nessie don't you look pretty." he said looking at her more age appropriat white dress.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Sorry." he mummbled.

I tuned arund so I could face Bella. "Well," I said taking her hand. "Well, it's off to chuch we go!"

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	3. Eggs, Emmett, and God's House

**Hey everyone! I am so sorry that it took so long for me to write this darn chapter. I am sad to say that this isnt the funniest chapter but I was kind of having writer's block. Oh well! A new chapter is in the works! =D**

**I do not own Twilight. –sigh- It sucks that I have 2 remind myself of that….=( **

"So you have never been to church?" Carlisle asked Emmett for the third time.

Emmett sighed. "No Carlisle. I went to a church, but not a church service."

"What were you doing at the church, then?" asked Jasper with a small smile, waiting for our funniest brother to answer.

Emmett fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably. "Lets just say I did something involving eggs and God's House that I am not proud of."

Carlisle's mouth hung open and Jasper chuckled. "Well at least you scared the witches away."

Renesmee turned in Bella's lap to face me. "Daddy, are there really going to be witches that want to eat me?" Her dark brown eyes watered up in fear.

I punched Emmett in the shoulder. "Now, why did you tell her that?" I asked him angrily.

"I thought it would be funny?" he shrugged.

I took Nessie's hand. " Of course not, sweetie. Uncle Emmett was just being stupid." I glared at "Uncle Emmett"

"Hehe, you're stupid Uncle Emmett!" Nessie giggled.

"Now sweetie, it's not nice to call people that." Bella chastised.

"But Daddy said it."

Bella looked up at me. "Thanks, Edward."

I kissed the top of her head. "Sorry."

"Are we there yet, Carlisle?" Jasper asked.

"We'll be there soon."

"Maybe we'll wreak before then." Rosalie mumbled under her breath.

Alice laughed as Carlisle rolled his eyes. "I should start praying." He breathed.

I couldn't disagree with him.

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